Francesca Dattilo, MSW
Certified Law of Attraction Coach
Certified Style Coach (MIASC Accred.)

Call me:  613.204.0781

How to Grow in Abundance Without Losing the Relationship?

  • By Francesca Dattilo
  • 08 Jun, 2016

You may have noticed that when we embark on a path of personal growth and development that there are losses along the way.  The most difficult losses can be the loss of relationships .  As I have grown into my self and the person I want to be, I have let go of a number of relationships.  I have had to grieve the loss of these relationships and have also rejoiced in what I have gained as a result.  

If we follow the wisdom of the Law of Attraction that “like attracts like”, it makes sense that as we grow and raise our vibration that some relationships fall off .  This void can be lonely.

Thankfully, the universe loves to fill voids .  In fact, I encourage my clients to create “a void and vacuum” in their lives to focus on the opportunity to be filled and to allow for what is new.  For example, if someone wants to attract a life partner, I encourage them to create space in their home for this future vision. It could be as simple as clearing out a dresser drawer for that person who is soon to be a part their life.  

When we release what is no longer serving us, are clear on what will serve us, and maintain the vibrational match (happy thoughts, happy emotions) to our desire, the universe will conspire to fill this void.    

But, what do we do when we are at different points and paths of growth from those we love and we don’t want to lose the relationship? In fact, we want to maintain it and even improve it!

Recently, I spoke with a dear friend who has had serious health issues and has been struggling with her health for several years.  She told me “I have no control over my health .  There is nothing I can do about it”.  To which I responded, “You know that I am a Law of Attraction Coach , right?”  I added, “This is not just about what I do, it is what I live and I believe we do have control over our health.”  

Of course, this comment did not go over well.  I attempted to engage in a “care-frontation” with her because I was concerned about her health and her quality of life.  And frankly, I love her so much, I want her to be around for as long as possible.  In the end, we agreed to disagree.   

But, how do we reconcile when our close friends, family or partners do not share the same beliefs we do.  How do we get to that place of acceptance even when we do not approve of what someone else believes, says or does?   For many of us, our immediate response is to go to judgment and extreme “I am right and they are wrong”.   Judgment is a lower level emotion and behaviour that is not congruent to the Law of Attraction.  When we are in judgment we are resisting what is.  But how do we validate that which we do not approve of?   

This situation with my friend was a real lesson for me in validation, acceptance and allowing. 

To validate someone or something does not mean to approve of, condone or affirm.  

Validation is: 

  • Being able to empathize with someone;
  • Reflect back to them in word or action what you are observing; and 
  • A way of letting the other know “I see you, I hear you”.

If we follow my friend’s line of thinking, it makes sense. We could validate that sickness just happens and that it is beyond our control.  If we believe what we have been taught about aging and ailing: the inevitable decline and decompensation of the body and mind we could understand this point of view:

Based on your line of thinking, I can see how you came to this conclusion or what contributed to your emotion or behaviour” 

And, If we follow my line of thinking that we are the creators of our reality and that our thoughts affect our feelings which affect our actions, my point of view also makes sense.  If you follow my belief that when we practice better feeling thoughts we are more inspired to act then you can say yes, your point of view makes sense.  

When I was a practicing psychotherapist, I taught an important emotional mastery skill to my clients called “Radical Acceptance”.  I adopted this concept from Dr. Marsha Linehan, an American psychologist who borrowed this practice from Eastern Zen Buddhism.   It is called “Radical Acceptance” because the acceptance must come from deep within.  Acceptance can turn painful emotions like anger and sadness to peace, neutrality or at the very least more tolerable pain.  To be clear, acceptance like validation, does not mean approval.  

Acceptance is:

  • Being able to acknowledge what is in the moment;
  • letting yourself go completely with what is; 
  • Letting go of fighting reality; and
  • Is a choice we have to make over and over again.

“Radical Acceptance”  is reminiscent of the universal Law of Allowing .  The Law of Allowing is the principle of least action and of no resistance .  Allowing can be applied to ourselves, to others and the way we allow or receive from the universe to deliver all that we desire.  When we are in a place of allowing things to be as they are, we are connected to the flow of the universe.  

When we judge others, we are disconnected from the divine that is within us. Our ability to accept others as they are regardless of their differences and similarities determines the degree to which we are allowing. If we believe that people should think, feel and act as we do in order to be happy, we are in for a whole lot of grief in our lives. I f we believe others have to conform to our “rules”  in order for us to feel good, our happiness will always be tied to others.

Christy Whitman states in her book The Laws of the Universe , instead of making others wrong for who they are or what they do, observe and simply say “ that’s something that I choose not to accept in my life”, then allow the person to be, have or do as they will without trying to fix them, change them or make them wrong.  

So here I am guided by the divine to choose validation, acceptance and allowing over and over again and trusting that what will be will be.  

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